


One brief moment and all will be as it was before

by Dontcryto0much



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Precious Peter Parker, Sad, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Vormir, depressed, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22768417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dontcryto0much/pseuds/Dontcryto0much
Summary: Death is nothing at all.It does not count.I have only slipped away into the next room.Nothing has happened.
Relationships: Tony Stark & Peter Parker
Comments: 10
Kudos: 53





	One brief moment and all will be as it was before

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsreallylaterightnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsreallylaterightnow/gifts).



> This is pure evil and souly for my own entertainment. If you cry easy- welp... read at your own risk my friend.
> 
> This isn't gory at all, but it is Vormir, so uh- U know what happens....
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (This is gifted to Itsreallylaterightnow bc I really stan her febumhump and I know she likes pain lol bc her fic has hurted me so now im hurteding her back)

_ “Death is nothing at all. _

_ It does not count. _

_ I have only slipped away into the next room. _

_ Nothing has happened. _

_ Everything remains exactly as it was. _

_ I am I, and you are you, _

_ and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. _

_ Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. _

_ Call me by the old familiar name. _

_ Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. _

_ Put no difference into your tone. _

_ Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. _

_ Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. _

_ Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. _

_ Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. _

_ Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it…” _

**  
  
  
  
**

A day was a funny thing when you knew it to be your last. Like a flower plucked from its vase, beautiful and delicate, but knowingly soon to be withered away to nothing. It was a pebble; thrown into the sea. Technically still there, present but unseen, lost but not forgotten, gone forever in a way but not impossible to be returned to the grip of the hands that gave it away. To him, a last day was a door to another life, a final place of rest and waiting. Was it to be feared? Maybe so. Nobody was certain of what lay on the other side of that last breath, but Peter was sure that it wasn’t the end. It simply couldn’t be. Life was too complex, too full of magic and gods and aliens. It was too vibrant to end because your lungs stopped- or heart quite pumping. Certainly one failure of an organ of the body didn’t stop something as powerful as the soul from continuing on. No, the afterlife must exist, it must! And it was going to be beautiful.

But like moving out of a loving childhood home into the exciting, unknown, terrifying freedom of adulthood- Peter was not sure exactly if he was ready to take that step into the next life.

Truly though, was anyone ever ready?

Peter stood atop the cliff, heart pounding into his throat and down through his fingertips and toes. The hazy glow of the blue and pink sky settled over him like a blanket, though it did nothing to calm him. Tears were threatening to make their appearance as dread settled hard right in Peter’s sternum as the teen gazed down the drop to the stone far below. 

Peter knew exactly what had to be done. No second guessing this one. The solution was right in front of him. Literally. Surely it would be quick. It wouldn’t hurt, right?

_ “Tony,” Titan seemed frozen, like it had been kicked out of time for a moment as all hearts paused. Green eyes sorrowful and voice spoken with grievance, Strange stared straight into Stark’s soul, passing a message through his face and tone, ignoring the ash creeping up his legs. “there was no other way.” _

Peter had thought about those words often. They were said right before the blue lady had also disappeared, leaving a stunned and horrified Peter and Tony alone on the red terrain. Peter would never forget those next moments of still terror, praying that it was done. That Tony wasn’t going to dissolve to ash. Little had Peter realized then what waited for them back on earth. The last words of Strange had haunted him in his nightmares at one point, but now gave him a complex sort of hope. A flash of silver lining under all this shit that this might actually turn out okay. 

Quite frankly though, looking back on it, Peter had been an idiot. He hadn’t dared think of that last push from the sorcerer supreme as anything more than a one-dimensional final encouragement so the remaining heroes wouldn’t stop; wouldn’t settle until it was fixed. Maybe it was because Peter was too shell shocked to even think that much when it happened, or maybe, he feared what he might uncover if he tried.

Peter had wanted to assume Stephen had been talking about the snap. He thought Strange was telling Tony that the only way to win was to lose first. And, yes, he  _ had  _ meant that, but until now, Peter didn’t realize how much depth it had. Really he shouldn’t be surprised. Stephen saw the future for God’s sake, of course he spoke in true accordance with that. Who wouldn’t?

Losing not only meant losing half the population to Thanos- but it also meant sacrificing more souls to get them back. It had too. It made so much more sense. 

But was Peter ready to make such a sacrifice? Was he really ready to  _ die  _ to give everyone else the chance of life? Could he leave behind all the years yet to be lived, all the adventures to be had? College, love, marriage, kids? Was Peter ready to l _ eave Tony _ ? To know that when- no-  _ if _ everyone came back, Peter wouldn’t. Peter could already see it: Tony would face May, her eyes gleaming, hands already floating up in preparation to wrap her niece up in her arms, all for Tony’s face to fall and heart to break as he told her the truth. Was he ready? Was  _ Tony ready _ ?

And the reality was, they could still fail. Dr. Strange said 14 million possibilities, and this could very well be one of the lifetimes that didn’t have a victory. What if Peter was dying for no reason? 

The selfish part of him wanted to say no. Wanted to back away from this cliff, grab Tony’s arm, and drag him away and give up. To let it be and say there was no way. That Stephen had lied.

But then Peter thought of May. He thought of her rose perfume and her swaying hair. He thought about her big, kind eyes and bright smile. He thought about her hug, her hand running through his hair, nails tickling his scalp. Peter thought of Ned. Ned’s cheeky smile and vibrant eyes. His obsession with Star Wars and readiness to be Peter’s guy in the chair. Peter thought of MJ. Her bouncy curls and calculating gaze. He thought of her strong headedness and how he was so sure she could be anything she ever wanted to be. And Peter thought about the trillions of others going through the same thing. All those people who were depending on him. What if May, and Ned and MJ, and the rest of the half were somewhere horrible? Maybe Thanos had put them somewhere to suffer? What if they were watching him? Begging him from some other place to save them?

And that’s all it took.

Peter couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try to fix this, even if it meant he didn’t get to see the end.

_ A soul for a soul. In order to possess the stone, you must first lose that of which you love. _

Tony must lose him; Peter must lose life.

The wind was strong, it blew against his back like a hand, pushing him forward. Encouraging him. Tony paced behind him, back and forth back and forth. Boots against gravel. Peter could hear his heartbeat racing. 

_ Pacing pacing pacing- _

“It was an apology.” Peter said, cutting through the silence like a knife. He could hear Tony’s footsteps falter slightly.

“What?”

“Dr. Strange.” Peter closed his eyes. “It was an apology.What he said, right before he disappeared.”

“Yeah,” Tony spat, bitterness coating the man's tongue. “An apology for giving up the fucking stone because he’s was  _ fucking _ stupid, that damn wizard,” Tony growled, clearly denying the obvious. Dodging what Peter was offering. 

Peter bit his lip, shoulders shaking as he tried to contain himself.

_ The only way. _

_ With great power comes great responsibility. _

Peter turned slowly, dreading this. Despised every moment. He watched his mentor stride with bubbling anxiety, gripping at his left arm. Peter had seen him do that so much for the past year; after the snap. He had seen many sides of Tony since he had found a home with the man after May disappeared. Peter had learned so much about him, and had grown to love him more than life itself. And Tony felt the same for him. They were family, in some odd, broken way. A family trying to save the world.

“Mr. Stark…” Peter’s voice carried weight, trembling but certain. He hated himself, hated himself for doing this. For asking Tony to let him do this.

“Nope.” Tony snapped, eyes furious as they locked onto the boy. “No. Don’t even, kid. Might as well not even attempt to keep going that idea because- nope.”

“We don’t have a choice.” Peter chest heaved, eyes shining. 

“Kid-” Tony’s whispered, deathly low. 

“We have to, Mr. Stark. We  _ have to. _ ”

“I am not playing this game Peter!” Tony yelled, voice hysterical. “I  _ will not! _ ”

“Dr. Strange said  _ you  _ had to survive to win this!” Peter stressed. “You, Mr. Stark! It is the  _ only way to bring them back _ !”

“You know what?” Tony stormed over toward Peter, chest puffed out and fists balled. Peter knew better than to think the man was actually angry with him. Tony was angry with the world. Angry with Thanos, angry at every injustice he had been dealt. “To  _ hell  _ with Strange! To hell with this quest! To hell with it  _ all  _ because I will not- absolutely will  _ fucking not _ win this war through this- this bullshit!”

“What about all the parents who lost their kids who can get them back? Huh? What about them?” Peter met his eyes, chin high. The two heroes stared with fire, jaws locked and stance unyielding. Two wills fighting one another.

“I can’t help them.” Tony said darkly, a snarl raising his upper lip.

“Yes. You can.” 

“How?!” Tony threw his hand out, teeth clenched. Tony’s eye held fear masked by anger, far greater than Peter had seen before. Because deep down, they both knew. They both felt it, like the universe was whispering to them, guiding them toward the answer. “By throwing you off a cliff, Peter?! By  _ murdering you?! _ ”

“No.” Peter’s eyes burned, chin wobbling but body language nothing but firm and he managed to get his voice to work. Tony must have seen it, must have seen the desperation in Peter’s eyes for the man to understand, ‘ _ I don’t want to, but I have to’. _ “You save them by letting me go. Letting me willingly give up my life for  _ trillions _ . Just like you tried to do in New York. Just like Cap did. Just like every hero I know has done or has attempted to do. You let me do this,” Peter swallowed, locked onto Tony’s gaze with terrible certainty. “because it’s not about us.”

“Bud.. I cant-'' Tony's voice broke, tears brimming over his bottom lashes. His eyes were blown wide, face set in horror. Peter could feel the denial radiating off of him like an aura. His shoulders stiff and nostrils flared. Every fiber of Tony’s being was  _ screaming.  _ Begging on his knees for some other way. “I can’t.”

“I know.” Peter’s frame fell, and face morphed into one of grief. His breathing hitched as he dropped his eyes to the ground. “But you have to.”

“God,” Tony let out a harsh, shaking sigh as he spun around, digging his hands through his hair. Peter’s heart broke. It shattered into a million pieces watching the man attempt to gather himself. Tony turned on his heels, stiding a few feet away. Peters hand floated up, reaching out for him as he stepped away. “You’re sixteen.  _ Sixteen dammit.  _ You’re the best of us, you could do so much kid- so much. You-” Peter knew that was just a sad attempt to keep Tony from breaking apart. A weak grasp to stay grounded from a spiraling panic attack. Peter went with it for his f- mentors sake.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter walked forward, grabbing the man's shoulders until he turned around and looked at him. The tears were freely falling from both of them now, eyes red and noses stuffed. “I am saving more lives than I ever could in a hundred lifetimes. Maybe-” Peter hiccuped, chest constricting. “Maybe I was born from this. Maybe.. Maybe I wasn’t meant to have any more days than this.”

“Don’t,” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, choking on something like a sob. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s okay,” Peter smiled weakly, hot trails running down his cheeks. “It’s okay, I’m not afraid.” That was a blatant lie. Peter was terrified. Absolutely, completely terrified of what was about to happen. And even though Tony’s hard glare meant he knew it was a lie, at least Peter wasn’t leaving him with anymore words to haunt the man's dreams.

Peter gently grabbed Tony’s wrist, guiding him toward the edge. Every part of him begged not to. His Spider senses blared wildly in warning, but today, Peter would ignore the thing that had saved him so many times.

Spider-Man. It was such an unbelievable idea. Peter would have never  _ dreamed  _ he could make such a difference on earth, much less across the entire universe. His alter ego was him, yes, but he was also someone else. He was braver than Peter was, and stronger and faster and whittier. He was Peter’s best friend, in the most strange way. Spider-Man had changed Peter’s life. He had given him a purpose. Equipped him with the necessities to save lives. He was truly the best thing that had ever happened to Peter. 

As they came to a halt close to the edge, Peter’s gaze found the eclipsed planet in the sky. His heart soared into his throat, as reality sat in deeper. With a stuttering inhale, Peter closed his eyes, pouring his heart out and into the open, sending it wherever it needed to go. Casting his soul out, separating himself from his hero counterpart, just so he, Peter Parker, could look at the red and blue suit and say-

_ Thank you _

And at that moment, the two parted. A final farewell. Peter would never be Spider-Man again, and that was okay. Because right now, on the edge of this cliff, he wanted his last moments as Peter Parker.

“Peter,” Tony was holding Peter’s hand with a death grip. The boy met the man’s red eyes, and the two of them just looked at one another for a moment. It was a silence that held more meaning than words could express, as their souls intertwined, heart beats sinked. Peter’s breath got caught in his throat, causing Tony’s face to fall ever more pained. His mentor brought his hand up, ghousting his shaking fingers against the boy’s cheek. Peter relished it, leaning into the warm touch one last time. Tony let out a strangled noise that rode between a sob and a .whine, as he breathed out the word again with reverence. “ _ Peter. _ ”

“Tell her that I love her,” Peter whispered, chest groaning painfully. His heart was being twisted into a knot at the image of May’s sobbing face, leaned over Peter’s casket. “Please tell her.”

“Oh buddy,”

The next thing he knew, Peter was being crushed against a warm chest. Hands spread out over his back, pulling him hard into the embrace that Peter returned desperately. The father and son, bound by choice and not blood, held each other for the last time. Peter shoved his face into the man's collarbone as Tony buried his nose into Peter’s curls. 

“You are everything to me, Pete,” Tony spoke into Peter’s hair, fisting the back of his suit. Peter melted into his father, falling apart from the inside out. “ _ I am so proud of you.” _

“You are gonna be okay,” Peter cried, face hot as he gripped Tony close. “You’re gonna save everyone and it’s all going to be okay.” Tony didn’t respond to that. Peter knew he couldn’t because he didn’t believe him. And that was okay. Peter knew what it was like to think everyone was lying when they said it would be okay after you lost someone you loved. It would take time, but Tony would heal. He would be okay.

And Peter? Well- Peter was going to be okay while he waited for him.

“I love you, Mr. Stark.” Peter whimpered. Tony sucked in a breath.

“I love you too, kid. I  _ love you so much.  _ You are  _ always  _ going to be the best of us, buddy. That won’t ever change.”

“I could never be as good as you, Tony.” Peter half chuckled through the sob, as he carefully- dreadfully slipped out of the man's grasp. Tony’s hands slid from his back and over his shoulders, gliding down Peter’s arms and to his fingertips, greedily touching him as long as possible until he was out of reach, right next to the ledge. Tony’s face was one that Peter would never forget. There was no word for that emotion which was displayed; for the desperation in his father's body language.

“No, you’re _ better _ .” Thick tears fell over Tony’s face, dripping off his jaw. The wind whipped hard, like it was getting impatient. No more stalling. It was time.

“I’m just Spider-Man.” Peter smiled wistfully, heart throbbing. Tony’s eyebrows creased as he scoffed past a sob.

“ _ You’re so much more than that.” _

Peter had no more words. Nothing that could justify what he was feeling. So he just left it at that, giving Tony one last look, memorizing him, as he turned around. Peter’s toes hovers over the ledge.

_ Don’t think. Just do it. For May. For Ned. For MJ. For everyone. _

Peter tilted forward, chest nearly exploding, just as a hand grabbed his wrist. Peter gasped, head jerking to look at Tony.

Nothing could have hurt worse than the expression on Tony’s face.

His mouth was half open, like he was caught between screaming and crying. His dark eyes were wide with terror, glazed over as if Peter was already dead. His complexion was paler than the porcelain, contrasting with the red flushed cheeks and puffy eyes and irritated lips. Peter sobbed, gut wrenching and painfully hard. He shook his arm slightly, not hard enough to shake the grip from it, because he really didn’t want Tony to let go.

“You’ve gotta let me go.” Peter cried, tugging again, but his mind screamed silently, ‘ _ Convince me to stay. Find a way to make me believe this isn’t right.’  _ Tony gasped out the next word like a plea.

“ _ How? _ ”

“Just close your eyes.” Peter told him. Tony swallowed hard, Peter could see the hollow part in the middle of his collarbones pulsing with his racing heart. “Close your eyes, Tony.”

Slowly, hesitantly, Tony did. And that’s how Peter would remember him,

Peter didn’t think about what happened next. He yanked his wrist away and threw himself backwards, not looking anywhere but up.  _ Up up up.  _ He watched the rapidly distancing ledge, body weightless in the air. 

In that moment, Peter used all his will power, all his emotions, to send out his soul to seek Tony’s. To leave behind a part of himself with the man. To let him know he wasn’t really gone. Peter would always be there. Forever. Until they met again.

And for that last moment, Peter closed his eyes. Peter imagined the smell of moter oil and cologne. He heard the faint AC/DC in the background, and saw the sleek metal tables, scattered with tools. Peter could hear Tony’s laugh, and see the dark brown eyes squinted in a smile. He heard the whirl of DUM-E and listened to FRIDAY’s irish voice-

Peter felt the drop, and let himself imagine his body falling between the buildings of Queens. He imagined the smell of Delmar’s as he swung by, and the window he accidently left open when he went out for patrol. He imagined May’s car parked outside of his complex as Peter approached it. When he finally landed, someone was waiting on him on the steps. Someone he knew.

Peter’s heart skipped a beat as he ripped off his mask, letting out a bark of hysterical laughter.

“Ben?!” Peter yelped, sprinting toward him. His uncle let out that old, familiar belly rolling chuckle as he spread his arms. Peter dove into them, nearly knocking both of them over as he cried out. “Oh my god! Oh my god,  _ Ben! _ ”

“Hey, Pete.” Ben whispered, voice thick as he pressed a kiss into Peter’s forehead. Peter just laughed, loud and tetering toward a sob as he peeled back to look at his uncles face.

“Holy crap,  _ holy crap, Uncle Ben-” _

“Missed you too, kiddo. Come on,” Ben cackled, throwing an arm over Peter’s shoulder, guiding them toward the door. “You can tell me all about it inside.” Peter nodded furiously, stomach bubbling as with glee as they walked up the stairs. Then, just like that, he remembered, and Peter slowed down, guilt eating away the happiness.

“Wait, but…” Peter looked over his shoulder at the streets of Queens, eyes searching, heart begging. “Mr. Stark…” 

“Don’t worry about him, Pete,” Ben told him so softly, squeezing Peter’s shoulders. The boy turned his face to meet his uncle’s loving gaze. They were so understanding as Peter’s eyes began to water. “Hey, hey, no need for that now, pal. Tony will be here before you know it.” Ben promised.

“But he-”

“-will be okay, Peter.” His uncle finished for him, reaching out and grabbing the door handle. Peter sniffed, chin wobbling.

“But I left him,” Peter hung his head, rubbing his arm. Then, a gentle hand cupped under Peter’s face, lifting it up. 

“You did what you were supposed to do, my boy.” Ben whispered, a twinge of sadness in with the pride. “Tony has others to look out for him now. He will come join us when he’s ready, as will the rest of them.” Ben said, eyes dancing over his nephews face. Peter nodded, unable to not trust his Uncle’s sure words.

“Now,” Ben straightened, turning the handle of the door. “Thankfully you can’t pass out here.” Ben chuckled, pushing the door open. Peter’s jaw went slack, eyes bulging out of his head. This was…. Not his apartment.. It was like… like paradise. Peter could see people walking around in the background, and he merely skimmed over the beautiful scenery, as his sight landed upon a woman. A woman he knew- with red hair that ombred into blond. She was standing with her arms crossed, grinning. But she wasn't the only one. 

A man and a woman, both of which Peter remembers faintly from childhood, stood together, waiting on him. Peters heart clenched, as he whipped his head to look at his smiling uncle.

“Welcome home, Pete.”

**  
  
  
  
**

_ “...Life means all that it ever meant. _

_ It is the same as it ever was. _

_ There is absolute and unbroken continuity. _

_ What is this death but a negligible accident? _

_ Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? _

_ I am but waiting for you, for an interval, _

_ somewhere very near, _

_ just round the corner. _

_ All is well. _

_ Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. _

_ One brief moment and all will be as it was before. _

_ How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!” _

_ -Henry Scott-Holland _

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to scream at me in the comments, I enjoy it!


End file.
